why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
