I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
