I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
