i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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