guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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