I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
