just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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