just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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