I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
