I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
