Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
