I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
