How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
