Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
