Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
