You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
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I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
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I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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