she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Watching her eat just hurts me
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
