i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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