you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
