I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
