You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
