I could have mohawked her pubes.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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