The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
