A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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