Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
