How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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