The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Couch. On fire.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
