i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
