I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
