He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
