It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
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There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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