Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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