I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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