i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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