#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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