if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
