All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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