i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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