:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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