From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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