this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
