so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's shark week go big or go home
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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