break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
