Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
