I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
