Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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