1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
