If i come over, it means nothing
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
