I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
