I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
