PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
