He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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