Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
