You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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