there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
