Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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