everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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