i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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