and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
