I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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