Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
